Monday, July 18, 2005

Top ten of nerds from Germany

1. Angela Merkel - politics

Probably our next chancellor. If no miracle will happen! From an articel in the Globe & Mail:
"She is everything that German politicians these days are not: a conservative, a former East German, an outspoken fan of George W. Bush, unmarried, unstylish, inflexible, female, boring...he[Schroeder] will be fighting an aggressive campaign led by Ms. Merkel to turn Germany's economy into a U.S.-style environment of low taxes and low benefits..........". See also.

2. Boris Becker - sports

Has won Wimbledon. Has been best German tennis player. Then he started to lose. He lost Wimbledon (even against Michael Stich, the everlasting number 2). He lost his wife. He lost his sperm, in the mouth of a woman who then became pregnant (famous for sperm robbery - Samenraub). He lost control of his articulation - ehhhh, ehhh, ehhhh.

3. Jan Ullrich - sports

Well, that's similar. He has won the Tour de France in 1997. He's still trying to repeat his victory. But he will lose the seventh time against Lance Armstrong. But he never gave up:
  • Eating too much round Christmas time
  • Not changing his cycling style
  • Having the wrong friends (he had a doping affair (when he consumed amphetamine) he drove drunk, he left his family).

4. Josef Ackermann - manager

He's not even German, but Swiss. I'll count him anyway because he is CEO of the Deutsche Bank, the largest German Bank. Earns about 12 Million Euros per year (this is 32876 Euros per day). He announced in 2005 that the Deutsche Bank has gained a record profit and on the other hand will lay off thousands of employees. This led to discussion about capitalism in Germany. He also became famous for his victory sign after he won in the Mannesmann (former D2, predecessor of the Vodafone mobile network in Germany) process, where he and five other manager were accused of disloyalty (see picture).

5. Ralf Schumacher - sports

The picture is of Michael Schumacher, the all-time number one in Formula 1 racing. His brother Ralf (he looks the same, so no other picture is necessary) is also there, but all he sees are the exhaust fumes of his elder brother. A complex for life. His wife confessed plastic surgery on her breasts. She said a blind person would see, that they are not real. Hurrah for boobies!!

6. Verona Feldbusch - bitch

Pretends to be stupid. Successfully. Personifies the image of the dumb woman, who is coveted by men. A kind of German Kelly Bundy. After school, she made an apprenticeship as taylor. In 1993 she became Miss Germany and in 1995 Miss American Dream! She also famous for her short marriage to Dieter Bohlen, the musician (Modern Talking!!), producer, composer (see picture and number 7). After her second marriage her name is Verona Pooth (Verona who?)

7. Dieter Bohlen - music multi "talent"

  • Musician (Modern Talking, Blue System: Two of the worst German bands ever, but have sold more than 120 million records).
    Producer (of all the horrible newcomers from DSDS - Deutschland sucht den Superstar (Germany is looking for the superstar).
    Composer (Although it is said, that he can't read notes).
    Husband and cheater (of the boulevard press favourites Verona Feldbusch (see above), Nadja Abd el Farrag (Naddel) and Estefania Küster

8. Martin Schneider - comedy

A picture can say more than a thousand words.





9. Jürgen Hingsen- sports

That story is old, but not forgotten. He was a decathlete in the 80s. In this time he held the world record three times. Then came the Olympics 1998 in Seoul. In the first discipline the 100m sprint he was disqualified because of three false starts. And therefore he became the laughing stock of the year in Germany.

10. Stefan Raab- comedy

He is a brilliant musician and composer (mainly of nonsense songs). I'll never forget his pseudonym Alf Igel, when he wrote the song "Guildo hat euch lieb" for Guildo Horn to attend the European song contest. Most of the other songs were written by the unspeakably bad producer (R)alf (S)i(e)gel. That's where the synonym came for. But now his show "TV total" is on TV four times a week. And after while you get bored and the jokes fade from good to bad. And sometimes worse. Come on Stefan, compose a "Raabigramm" for Britney Spears again.


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